The Right Bolton
The Senate seems to be having trouble getting off its rump and sending John Bolton to the United Nations. I think I know the problem--they've got the wrong Bolton. Don't send John Bolton to the UN. Send in Joe Bolton, Officer Joe Bolton, the host of a kiddie show in New York back in the fifties and sixties.
He's a nice guy, definitely not a "yeller" and "manage-up" guy like John Bolton, so he will satisfy the Democrats. He carries a club, so he'll satsify the right. Above all, he's familiar with dealing with the Three Stooges, so he's just right for the East River Debating and Terrorist Cheerleading Society.
You read it here first: Joe Bolton for UN Ambassador.
P.S. Officer Joe passed away in 1986, which makes him an even more ideal representative to a moribund international organization.